The Answer (Drabble Series)
by JoanneSBlack
Summary: "Merlin, are you alright?" There were just so many answers to that question, that he could choose from, only one being the right. Drabble Series. No Slash! Depressed!Merlin
1. Prologue

Hi everyone!

So this is my first story published here, so please R&R to help me improve my writing.

Summary:

"Merlin, are you alright?" There were just so many answers to that question, that he could choose from, only one right. Drabble Series. No Slash! Depressed!Merlin

Pairing: -

Disclamer: Nope not mine, not the show, nor the characters...

* * *

Arthur was seething. He spent last hours looking for his useless manservant after he got back from a council meeting, expecting to find his chambers tidy and Merlin awaiting his return. Instead he found his room a mess and the servant nowhere to be seen. Not in stables, laundries nor in the physician's wing. And of course, nobody's seen him since morning practice.

SO that's how he got here, to the unused part of Camelot castle, running out of places the servant. Not expecting Merlin anywhere near this side of castle, he nearly missed the figure staring out of a window in a shaded alcove.

The king almost started shouting, when he noticed the defeated form of Merlin's shoulders, the slumped back and arms hugging his knees. Instead he quietly approached with a question:

"Merlin, are you alright?" The manservant flinched. And turned his face towards the king.

"I am..." Thousands of words crossed Merlin's mind, each truer that the other.


	2. alone

Hi everyone!

First chapter up!

Summary:

"Merlin, are you alright?" There were just so many answers to that question, that he could choose from, only one right. Drabble Series. No Slash! Depressed!Merlin

Pairing: -

Disclamer: Nope not mine, not the show, nor the characters...

* * *

 **...alone**

It gets worse every time I save you, there are more secret to keep, more lies to tell. I used to confide in Gaius, but after he got kidnapped because of me I realized I couldn't even do that. Also it seems that everyone who gets close to me eventually dies. Freya, father, Lance… All the people who knew the real me and still accepted me with all my faults that at last got them killed.

Sometimes I think I'll go crazy from the amount of words that remain unsaid in my head. But then, maybe I already have.


	3. hurting

**Hiya guys!**

So new drabble posted! And some more of depressed!Merlin, yay!

Please leave a comment behind, even if it's just one or two words, they really help.

But enough with my blabbing and on wiht the story:

Disclaimer: No, unfortunately Merlin is still not mine...

* * *

 **...hurting**

It seems that after each stopped threat the hole in my chest just gets deeper. How many of them wouldn't do this if magic wasn't outlawed.

How many could I save by fulfilling my destiny sooner?

Morgana, Mordred…

Every time I think of them I see the mistakes I have made. Every word wrongly placed, every help refused, every look cowardly adverted. Would the world be different, have I done otherwise?

When I see the destruction, they've left behind, I can feel it is my fault. That all the spilled blood is on my hands.

I am a murderer.


	4. afraid

**Hi Everyone!**

Big hugs to all of you who favourited/followed this story namely: Lya200, Katie Katherine, prydain, derpfangirl

Also big, BIG THANK YOU to these amazing reviwers!

 **Katie Katherine:** Thank you so much :)

 **RandomReader:** I will try to improve, but please do not this expect to be a chapter story, it's truly more of a series of small drabbles involving the same subject. I already have awesome Beta, but she mostly checks spelling and using her own words, she's not much of a writer.

But enough of my merry blabbing and on with the drabble!

Disclaimer: Still not mine...

* * *

 **...afraid**

It's hard not to be. After all those years hiding from Uther's bloodshed, always looking over your shoulder. And after Uther's death, fear from you, finding out I lied to you all those years, comes naturally.

But I cannot stop using magic, not when there is always someone wishing to inflict harm on you or Camelot. Yet another fear I have to cope with. What if I'm too late someday? Walking in just to find some sorcerer above your dead body, loosing someone dear to me again…

But I most afraid of myself. What have I become? A Monster?


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